|
step_outside_thebox
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: evan
Country: United States
State: Louisiana
Birthday: 6/21/1987
Gender: Male
Expertise: working on it
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/22/2003
|
|
| So life is different now. September was a long time ago and so much has happened. Hindsight is always such a cool thing, and if we could only see what's going on when we're in situation we would worry a lot less. What's most amazing to me is how God moves through all of it. The big things that are obvious, the little things you only notice looking back and the things you just now see that happened years ago. Things have been so good, not without troubles or frustration. But good. It's a new year. I'm becoming an adult. Not, "Oh graduation is four years away what are you going to do with your life?" but "Hey this time next year you're deciding your entire future." I'm thinking about changing my major because I don't like the first class that's specifically for my major. I just am confused on what the best course of action to take is. But as I look at things that have brought me to where I am today, I see that there was something working for me throughout it all. Someone guiding, lovingly showing me where I needed to be and growing me through the mistakes and troubles. I'm not the same I was in September, or in high school. I'm better, wiser, more mature. And I know my God was behind it. There is no other explanation.
A perfect example of this is Mallory. Man how well I remember writing posts in high school thinking about her or being frustrated because she was Mallory. There are so many different things that have happened in our long friendship, good and bad, frustrating and fun. But that friendship is the core of what we have now, and it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. I've found a woman who is constantly in prayer for me, someone who sincerely cares about me and can still be my best friend and act silly. I've found a partner, a companion. someone I want to do life with and happens to be beautiful and an incredible woman of God. Being far away is hard and I don't think I could do it with just some girl. But all of the things i've prayed for in a future wife, all of the qualities and characteristics are there. God has affirmed our relationship to me many times through the littlest things on top of the big things. And I could not be happier.
And that's what let's me know it'll be ok. I've seen God take care of me, provide me with this amazing best friend who happens to be my girlfriend. I know that there have been times i've not known what was going to happen with us over the course of 6 years, but it worked out and we're together now. That gives me the peace to know that all this other stuff, jobs and future plans will work out. Because He is good! | | |
| I am. It's true. While talking to my parents last week, the subject of putt-putt came up and my mom made a comment "Yeah, when we were dating we played way to much putt-putt" to which my dad replied "yeah but at least I won that tournament." That's right ladies and gentlemen, my dad was the 1979 Omaha, NE putt-putt champion. He got a story in the paper and everything. So mom says something about still having the article, and I have to see it. I go and dig through the old photo albums and while digging through them a stack of papers fall out. What were these mysterious papers? Love letters my dad wrote my mom when they were at different schools their freshman year of college. I read through them (nosy? maybe) and the more I read, the more I realized my dad wrote like me. It cracked dumb jokes, commented on the fact that he can't spell, had bad handwriting, bragged about beating his friends at golf and pinball (real cool huh?) and told my mom about pranks they pulled. The style, the use of "cool" band lyrics (he always had a new record for mom to check out), my dad was me. or I'm him. Then yesterday he started dancing with my little sister while doing dishes and I do the same thing. I tell dumb jokes. I'm cheap, drink water everywhere I go, and park far away. I've learned all of this from him. I love my dad and have a great relationship with him. it's just weird, you know? | | |
| It's so interesting how reading people's xanga's, we say what we might not in the saftey of a blog. We express our feelings, fears, doubts, troubles. We have a platform to share, whatever it might be. And we have a network of friends and aquaintences that look at them. that comment. that share their experiences and wisdom (or lack of it). We have a type of community. Then last night with a small group of 7th grade guys I want so badly for them to come together as a community. To respect one another, be there for each other. To learn what I didn't in middle school. To be ok with who they are. To be a friend to others, especially those without friends. To realize that God is what they're looking for in dating or being cool or playing sports or whatever. That they will be happiest when they look to God. And I pray constantly God can use me to play a small part in that. | | |
| So school has started again, and it's going to be fine. I'll come to class even though I don't want to, do all my assignments, and be a good student. I'm responsible and am right on track to graduate in 4 years, taking everything I need to get my degree. I'm a business management/administration major and am taking classes that I guess will be useful in life. I am on scholarship so I don't have to worry about paying for school. I'm working as an intern at my church to help get ready for going into ministry. I have a plan of what I want to do for the next 10 years. Yeah, I'm that guy. But I was sitting in my Madm class today and just wondering is this what God really wants me to do? Am I doing the best thing for Him by sitting in a college when the majority of the world can't afford to eat? Am I really helping anyone by furthering my education? I know that I have invested in people's lives this far, I can point to instance where I know that I played a part in God's story. I feel at peace about being here for the past two years, because my senior year I really struggled with wanting to go to Baylor. I tried to imagine how my life would have been different and I couldn't. I have not had a real "college experience" and am still living at home. I regretted the decision at first, but being able to meet the people I have and serve in the Middle School and do Bigstuf, all of that stemmed from staying in Bossier. But I guess what i'm worried about is if God said to get up and go tomorrow, would I be able to go. I think that I could do it. In a heartbeat. I feel called back to Africa, to help people in such dire need of love. My heart is totally changed from two years ago in compassion and a call to missions. But what if He's calling me to stay here? Can I have the same passion for people here in Bossier? | | |
| So I filled up a journal and a half this summer, have lots of stories to share, but i feel like if i write them down it will really be over. that's dumb and illogical, but every time someone asks me how the summer was I just say amazing. I don't go into any details or stories. I almost don't want to talk about it. I know there's lots of other stuff going on and I'll be fine, I knew the summer couldn't go on forever. I love the people here and am glad to be home. But I still miss it. | | |
|
